Meet Mia whose lived most everywhere
From Budapest to Krakow Square
But Maia's only seen the sights
A girl can see from Silverlake Heights,
What a crazy pair!

But they're cousins,
Identical cousins all the way
One pair of matching bookends,
Different as night and day

Where Mia adores a minuet,
The Ballet Russe and crepe suzette,
Our Maia loves to rock 'n' roll,
A hot dog makes her lose control
What a wild duet!

Still they're cousins,
Identical cousins and you'll find
They laugh alike, they walk alike
At times they even talk alike,
You can lose your mind
When cousins are two of a kind!




"I've noticed that at some point over the past several years my standard response to people angry that I've insulted them has changed from smiling sheepishness to cold belligerence."--Cathy Seipp
“I am very insensitive and have hurt countless peoples' feelings.”- Maia Lazar
"I am a BRAT."--Maia Lazar
"These days I'm a depressed BITCH. I don't care anymore about my reputation."-Maia Lazar
(NOTE: To this day, the daughter is still mentally deranged and continues to lie and make up stories to try and cover for her past despicable deeds. All you can do is hope that someday she will finally ask for forgiveness from the scores of people she wronged.)

You are on this website because somebody to
ld you to check out the incredible story of a right-winged mother and daughter team who cyberbullied, cyberstalked, libeled and slandered everybody they came in contact with. Otherwise, you never heard of this person. A run-of-the-mill fourth-rate-hack and blogger, the number of references and links to anything important she ever said remains the same----ZERO. By insulting and attacking innocent people, the mother and daughter felt they were special--when they were simply perverted and dysfunctional.





Cathy Seipp spent the last 5 years of her life on a BLOG-- cyberbullying, cyberstalking, attacking, libeling, slandering and defaming ANYBODY she came in contact with--including real journalists (unlike herself), teachers, administrators, schools, government employees, parking lot attendants, waiters and waitresses, people who were dying, people who just died, the homeless and others-- with absolutely no regard for them as human beings.

(NOTE: The daughter has intentionally REMOVED the 5 YEARS of the mother's attacks. She doesn't want anybody to see them for themselves. We already have copies of everything.)

Just because somebody is dying, DOES NOT GIVE THEM THE RIGHT--to cyberstalk, libel, slander and defame innocent people. And to teach their daughter that it is OK to do the same.

Cathy Seipp lacked a conscience.

(see a psychiatrist's analysis of both mother and daughter below)

And the daughter, feeling empowered by her mother's contemptible example, proceeded to cyberbully anybody she came in contact with via her own BLOG.


Cathy Seipp loved to tell everybody else how inappropriate everything was that they were doing and saying. Her blog consisted of continual attacks on anybody and everybody she came into contact with, and included the words "That's Inappropriate" in reference to what they were doing or saying.

Let's take a look at just how "Appropriate" the things that Cathy Seipp was doing in her life.
Appropriate #1: Cathy Seipp used to make her young teenage daughter hang around with a major pornographer friend of hers. They would have dinners, picnics, get-togethers, etc. The daughter told her astonished teacher, “We’re having dinner tonight with a pornographer.”

Appropriate #2: Cathy Seipp allowed her 13-year-old daughter to communicate online with a pornographer as long as she used a pseudonym. When she turned 16, she then said it was now OK for the daughter to use her real name to do the same. (see details below)

Appropriate #3: Cathy Seipp would occasi
onally let her young teenage daughter drink alcohol.

Appropriate #4: Cathy Seipp would occasionally take her young teenage daughter to R-Rated movies in which on at least one instance-- a sexual act was being performed in the movie.

Appropriate #5: Cathy Seipp would regularly libel, slander and defame her daughter’s teachers, principals and the schools she attended. Setting a wonderful example for her daughter, she wrote that one of her daughter's principals was a "400 pound tyrant"--when the mother could not have her own way.

Appropriate #6: Cathy Seipp regularly told her daughter that she wished she could transfer her cancer to one of her teachers.

Appropriate #7:Cathy Seipp wrote for "Penthouse" Magazine. Setting a fine example for her young teenage daughter.

Appropriate #8: Cathy Seipp had  a long-time affair with a married man.


Maia Lazar

You don't cyberbully, libel, slander and defame your teachers, administrators, fellow students, the schools you attend and even your own grandfather online and think it is OKIE-DOKIE to do so, because mom does it too and is about to drop dead.
So goes the case of Maia Lazar, the self-centered, arrogant, pompous, self-aggrandizing narcissist demon-child clone of despicable mother Cathy Seipp.

Taking absolutely no responsibility for the things she did--she believed that everybody should feel sorry for her. She's just a sweet little innocent victim.
What were just a few of those things?

*Online--Accused the male director of her school of having affairs with female students and giving them special privileges.

*Online--Accused a teacher of having a sexual relationship with a foreign exchange student.

*Online--Teamed up with mom to cyberbully and attack an English teacher who did not share her right-winged political views.

*Online--Teamed up with mom to cyberbully and attack that English teacher's replacement, after Maia Lazar managed to upset every member of a journalism class--that were about to walk out of it because of her obnoxious behavior. (the mom/daughter team needed to twist that one and find a scapegoat)

*Online--Cyberbullied and accused the school she attended of operating a van in which she claimed that regular sexual activities were taking place among students.

*Online--Cyberbullied and called various teachers "bitches" and an assortment of other nice names.

*Online--After wearing out her welcome at her first school and demanding to graduate early--cyberbullied the school and accused them of purposely not allowing her to do so.

*Online--After moving on to another school, within days, teamed up with mom to start cyberbullying and attacking teachers at the new school.

*Online--Even attacked her own grandfather with an assortment of shocking comments.

*Online--Created an entire detailed online blog fantasy of which she claimed that a much older man was trying to engage in a relationship with her. 

*Online--Publicly called an Armenian classmate an "Anti-Semite."

*NOT ONLINE--Exposed herself to a group of schoolchildren. (Maia Lazar did not molest this group of young boys or have sex with them,
but decided that she needed to exhibit herself in front of them)
*Online--Cheerfully boasted about exposing herself to a group of schoolchildren.


Cathy Seipp Knowingly Allowed 
Her 13-Year-Old Daughter To
Regularly Communicate

With A Pornographer.
Read Her Own Words For Yourself.

"Maia turned 16 last week, which is why we no longer use her pseudonym 'Cecile.' She began proto-blogging when she was 13, by constantly emailing (PORNOGRAPHER'S NAME) , and I didn't like the idea of her real name appearing on a site frequented by pornographers and mob types. Sixteen is much older than 13, though."

ANALYSIS: It was OK for her daughter to interact with a pornographer at age 13 as long as she was using a "pseudonym," and now at 16, it was OK for her to use her real name to do the same.

No wonder this child exposed herself to a group of boys at school with no shame about it. Cathy Seipp was an unfit, abusive mother who should have had her child taken away from her.
For Your Pleasure--A Typical Cathy Seipp Libel/Slander Against A Teacher

"I unfairly yelled at Maia yesterday when she anxiously called from her cell phone at school because the algebra teacher hadn't wanted to let her out of class five minutes early. We'd wanted that so I could drop her off at the college Russian class, and still make it to my doctor's appointment on time. But not only is anxiety contagious, it can quickly turn into irritability... or so it often does with me. My yelling caused Maia t o cry in class, which caused the algebra teacher to throw a roll of toilet paper at her head, which caused Jose the phlebotomist -- my favorite person at the doctor's office -- to express shock and dismay when I told him about it."

Poor Little Maia. It seems that teachers an d administrators at every school she attends are so mean to her all the time--and it is up to Cathy Seipp to inform the world of their "inappropriate" behavior. The problem is--as usual--it never happened. A roll of toilet paper was never thrown at Maia's head. It is some exaggeration devised by Cathy Seipp so she has something lurid to write about and to gossip to outsiders about. And those outside people are ALWAYS shocked by the stories she has to tell.


What Despicable Cathy Seipp Wrote About Cindy Sheehan

Cindy Sheehan receives the Silver Star in recognition of her s on Casey giving his life in Iraq.

She is later comforted by having Cathy Seipp cyberstalk her and call her an "idiot" on her blog and further state that Sheehan is being overly-sentimental about the whole thing.

"  My teenage daughter, who is a more sympathetic person than I am, thinks baldly calling Cindy Sheehan an idiot is a bit harsh, so I'll amend: Cindy Sheehan is a useful idiot"

So began the most insensitive, despicable and shameful arti cle ever written about the well-known anti-war activist who lost her son in Iraq.

All of you who think that hurting a dead person's feelings is unconscionable, why don't you have something to say about this Seipp woman who thought nothing about insulting Cindy Sheehan and the memory of her son?

""  Cindy Sheehan's maudlin narcissism has already been extensively examined..."   Let me save you some time looking it up in the dictionary. She just called the woman who lost her son in Iraq, an "overly-sentimental egomaniac."

"  But the Cindy Sheehan agenda extends far beyond her (or, actually, her handlers’) disagreement with the war in Iraq, which Cindy and her puppet masters have redefined to mean a disagreement with U.S. foreign policy in general"
Apparently, Cindy Sheehan can't think for herself. People control her like a puppet as to what to say and what to do.

""  Cindy Sheehan is not your ordinary idiot. She continues to inspire idiocy in others, which is why she remains such an icon."

Cathy Seipp was such a caring, nice person. Wasn't she?


Cathy Seipp enjoyed upsetting people with her lies, distortions, libel, slander and defamation. She was a sadist with mental problems.

“In the past couple of weeks, though, the number of people angry about something I'd written began to approach mob proportions."

"I've noticed that at some point over the past several years my standard response to people angry tha t I've insulted them has changed from smiling sheepishness to cold belligerence."

She proudly gloated one day online.

After having created problems for many people at the school she attended (Ribet Academy) because of the untrue and reckless things she was posting online, Maia Lazar agreed with the school's director that she would discontinue her activities. But, hey, what's one more time? After all, "mom says that I'm very special."

“Please Be Clean If You Have Sex.
Today I went bowling for my PE final. On the way to the bowling alley, we had to ride in a sordid van. It was so sordid that a boy threw a used condom on the floor. It is a well known fact at my school athletes take advantage of the van to seduce girls. However, they are inconsiderate to passengers such as us because the van stinks. You can still see stains on the seats, where ignorance is bliss.
When I saw the boy throw the sex device on the floor, I was overcome with nausea...and began to pray for control. I realized that in life, any place you sit could have been used for anything other than sitting. Anyone too conscious of this, such as a germophobe (what I'm turning into) has a hard life in this world.”

When the daughter created innumerable problems and wore out her welcome at a private school, she went to a public school. Within a few days, both mother and daughter began cyberbullying and attacking
teachers at the new school.

This defamation is from Cathy Seipp:"The fourth, however, who teaches chemistry, refuses to include any lab experiments, explain problems from the textbook, or even prepare lectures. Nor was she happy when Maia raised her hand the other day to ask why they couldn't do labs, or at least something in class besides filling out worksheets. The teacher responded irritably that it was her last year teaching and so she couldn't be bothered with lab work, nor did she care whether students understood the material or not."

This corresponding defamation is from Maia Lazar: "Wake up, go to school, and smell a refreshing scent of Lysol mixed with marijuana. Groggily, I began my Tuesday morning. "Whew, bebe, somebody's b een smoking something!" the about-to-retire teacher said to this glazed eyed student. I asked the teacher why we had not been doing any lab experiments. I commented on how I did not understand some of the concepts, and would appreciate if she could lecture at us even. The teacher laughed at me and said she could care less and that it was her last year so she was indifferent about what we thought or did."


When Maia Lazar at 14 got an intern position at a Los Angeles alternative weekly (those free local event/culture papers that people throw away), the mother Cathy Seipp became aware that they were making the young girl count the number of sex ads printed in their rival’s newspaper. Instead of pulling her off this position immediately, the mother let it go on and even tried to justify it:

“They did make her count the number of sex ads in a rival alt-weekly her first day there”
“but sex ads are the bread-and-butter of the alt-weekly business so it's not as if she wouldn't have noticed them.”

If you are quite shocked already, it gets even more shocking.

Realizing the kind of people there, the mother asks the daughter,
“You're not going to have sex with anyone there, are you?”

The daughter responds, “"Wouldn't the people there notice, with the noise and all?”
“Besides, what if the youngest guy is fat and hairy, and why would I go down to his car in the first place? If I had to get him coffee, I would give it to him in the building, and if he made a move, I would kick him in the nuts.”

Maia Lazar continued, “In my head, I was fantasizing about meeting a hot guy at school who would be into books, and not exceed the age of seventy-one.”
When Maia Lazar was cyberbullying, libeling and slandering her teachers, fellow students and administrators online, she apparently did some self-reflection and spoke honestly about what she really thought about herself. Her words as posted publicly:



Making fun of Cathy Seipp was a cardinal sin according to her right-wing sheep. But apparently it was OK for Seipp to make fun of Anna Nicole Smith and her son when they both died.


What was on display in “The Anna Nicole Show” — both the cable channel series and the sad, true life, was not acting talent but a bloated live-action cartoon of a dumb blonde past her prime."

"The show’s regular “cast members,” as they’re called, i ncluded Smith’s mortified teenage son Daniel (who also dropped dead not long ago, at age 20)"

Seipp-- a despicable woman.


Cathy Seipp Made Fun Of Old People Who Were Dying Of Cancer

Seipp went to a medical seminar where a 70 year old w oman was grieving because her cancer had come back after 10 years. The disrespectful and despicable Seipp then shared her thoughts about what she had witnessed:

"I found myself thinking, 'Geez, lady, how many years do you want?' I mean, at her age, her children (if she had any) were obviously quite grown up. And everybody has to die of something. So really, what was the big problem here?"

Cathy Seipp Was An Unfit/Perverted Mother Whose Pornographic Corruption of Her Daughter Had Serious Consequences - Her Teenage Daughter Exposed Herself to A Group of Schoolchildren--And Both Mother and Daughter Cheerfully Boasted About It!

As you already learned, Cathy Seipp made her daughter interact with her pornographer friends on a regular basis and took her daughter to R-Rated movies filled with sexual intercourse and profanity.
These activities clearly had an effect on the impressionable youngster who began to demonstrate the corruption of her psyche by her unfit mother.

(Maia Lazar did not molest this group of schoolboys or have sex with them, but decided that she needed to exhibit herself in front of them)

"The Instance of the Flashing
My friends and I were playing Truth or Dare when it was my turn. Being a bit bold, I picked Dare. I didn't like the lame dare my friends gave me and I voluntarily flashed a few boys whose dorm was across ours. I chickened out for a second...and did not want to seem like a wimp as my friend was yelling 'You can't back out NOW!'

It was only three, or six boys who saw the little jig I gave...but rumors travel fast especially on the subject of Holy Boobs.

Soon, half the guys of Summer Scholars came rushing to the window, some to the quad. In due time of course, all the counselors knew about it. My counselor said she didn't care, but offered her opinion, 'In the future, keep those things to yourself!'
By then, I felt as if I were a demanded sex object. The boys roared for more, this time armed with their little disposable cameras. I can bet their mothers and fathers would be real proud if I had flashed them again. 'Jr, what the HELL is wrong with you? I thought I sent you to be a scholar, not to porn camp!' "

FIRST SHE PRINTED WHAT YOU JUST READ ABOVE AND THEN RESPONDED--cheerfully bragging about what happened:
“If you flash the boys in a game of Truth or Dare, the next day they will no longer even feign interest in your mind but instead will ask a lot of rude sexual questions. Oh, well. Better to learn that at 16 than 30.”

CATHY SEIPP WAS AN UNFIT MOTHER whose regular exposure of pornography and corruption to her young teenage daughter resulted in this immoral incident.

What kind of mother doesn't take action after an incident like this?
Like taking the child to a psychologist? Or a Therapist?
But instead, laughs it off IN PUBLIC?
Cathy Seipp was a perverted woman.

Cathy Seipp Publicly Admits to Being A Liar and a Cheat

"I do lie now and then when it comes to stupid rules that are made to be broken. For instance, when Maia was eight or nine and I wanted to take her to the Frick Museum in New York, I faked her birth certificate, because the Frick has a rule against children under 10."

Cathy Seipp Was In Denial About the MONSTER She Created

"My Daughter Maia Has Such a SWEET Disposition"


Cathy Seipp's daughter Maia Lazar cyberbullied, attacked, libeled, slandered and defamed no less than 10 of her teachers online. She attacked the schools she attended and the school's administrators. She wrote things in a calculated, sensational and salacious manner in order to do as much damage to them as possible.

She told one of her mother's critics how they should commit suicide and the manner which would be most effective.

Yet she wanted everybody to feel sorry for her despite the fact that she would take no responsibility for the things that she wrote or the problems she caused many, many people.

She was old enough to know better. Her own words make her intentions clear:

"I really have nothing to lose. My dignity? I lost that by even keeping a blog.”

“I am a brat.” “I'm a depressed bitch I don't care anymore about my reputation”


“My grandfather picked me up and asked me inappropriate questions about my classmates in general. I said he was being rude and vulgar and I was offended. But no matter how much I glare and scold my crazy grandfather, he will still have obnoxious comments about everybody”

“I am a hypocrite towards religion, seemingly screwed mentally like my grandfather”

Apparently they forgot to tell you all this in that story that made mother and daughter look like saints and ended with a sentimental tribute to the daughter, "She's been through so much." And everybody was supposed to cry on cue at that point. Maybe you'll shed your tears now for the many victims of Cathy Seipp and Maia Lazar.


Cathy Seipp was a coward who tried to hurt other people regardless of their age, rank or serial number.

She proudly told the story of how she tried to intimidate students at her own daughter's school--not caring what effect this could have.

"My war with Anus Noballs"

"I had a run-in yesterday with a loutish 15-year-old boy at Maia's school. He enjoys lounging with his friends on the stairwell but does not enjoy moving his lazy carcass when people need to go up the stairwell. Yesterday he actually refused to get out of the way, mumbling something about why he didn’t see why he had to."

Me: “Because, you tiny asshole, even though you’re going to end up working at McDonald’s when you grow up, you’ll still be expected to have some manners.”

Him: “Uh-uh! My future is in ROCK MUSIC, ma’am! You’re gonna be buying my CDs, MA’AM!”

Me: “I got news for you – there’s not a market for air-guitar CDs.”

Cathy Seipp is just so brave and clever--taking on a 15-year-old with profanity, humiliating her own daughter at her own school--and then sharing it with everybody



Maia Lazar was on the staff of the school newspaper. Everybody was given various jobs and responsibilities. One of Maia Lazar’s jobs was to help make some very important decisions—which students would be let go from the class because they were only there for an easy, free period. It seems that the school newspaper class had previously been a fun place to do nothing and get a college-applicable credit—with a newspaper only coming out once every few months.
The new teacher decided that the paper would come out weekly and students would earn their grades from hard work or they would be transferred out of the class. As these sensitive discussions regarding dismissal of students could not be held in front of them while class was going on, they were held after school in an OPEN, accessible classroom (with even mother informed of purpose—and even meeting mom and talking to her!) under the most legitimate of conditions. The new teacher told Maia Lazar that because of dealing with highly sensitive discussions about dismissing slacker students, that the information was CONFIDENTIAL. She could not tell friends or other class members about the details of such discussions. Maia Lazar agreed and decisions were made on three occasions as to which students were to be dismissed from the class.
However, Maia Lazar quickly alienated the ENTIRE rest of the class with her obnoxious behavior which included screaming at a girl with a quiet personality. She had the girl in tears with the girl’s mother showing up numerous times to talk to the teacher and principal.
The ENTIRE class privately went to the school’s principal and announced that they would be walking out of the class the next week unless Maia Lazar was removed from the class. The teacher was called in, told of the impending walkout and told to “take care of it.”
The teacher suddenly inundated with this information at 5:00 p.m. called Maia Lazar at home and asked her what she wanted to do and how it should be handled--offering total support to her. Maia Lazar made some suggestions and the teacher even talked with the other students’ parents pleading with them to give Maia Lazar a second chance.
However, Maia Lazar and her mother Cathy Seipp, realizing that her daughter was about to be removed from the school newspaper class, decided on a different tactic. They would twist everything and blame it on the teacher.

The two teamed up, as they had before, to libel, slander and defame yet another teacher.

Cathy Seipp started posting comments saying “A teacher is calling my daughter at home” without explaining ANYTHING regarding what had really happened.
The daughter Maia Lazar sent a letter to the school’s director (a man she had already libeled and defamed online by saying that he was having affairs with students) saying that the teacher was holding her after school for “CONFIDENTIAL” meetings.

After speaking with the teacher, the director of the school came to the clear conclusion that Maia Lazar (as she had done before) was trying to libel and defame a teacher. The teacher discussed a libel suit against Maia Lazar which the director of the school (an attorney) acknowledged was a realistic possibility.

Because he wanted to keep his high-priced tuition from the student, he asked the teacher, “Is Maia Lazar going to be in any of your classes next week?” The teacher said “NO—she is out of all of them.”

After the teacher and the director disagreed on how the situation would be handled, and had differences in the matter, the teacher decided to quit. The teacher did not tell anybody of the decision until the very last day, with most students not even finding out until a few hours before.

Yet Cathy Seipp, who is also a PATHOLOGICAL LIAR, started posting libelous and slanderous material claiming that the teacher spent A WHOLE WEEK turning students against her daughter.

The teacher did not say anything to anybody until the FINAL DAY he started packing. At which time, a number of students stormed out of classes and went to the office demanding that the director of the school convince the teacher to stay. This included 75 students protesting at lunchtime in front of the office, students crying all over the place (oddly enough, even some boys—even that freaked out the teacher) and a day with very sad students.
Apparently they all loved this new teacher. Maia Lazar became an outcast at the school with even her own best friends turning against her for her lack of morals.

An EVIL mother, and an even more EVIL daughter—the truth fully revealed.



When mother an daughter got caught in an extra heavy traffic jam, with cars coming to a standstill, people started getting out and walking around. When a woman started doing stationary jogging in front of their car, it apparently became absolutely necessary for them to degrade the nearest person and then post their ridiculing thoughts for all to share:

" 'She must have the fattest ass in the world' said Maia. But it actually wasn't that big an ass, although it was larger than it should have been. I notice these days that most people have pretty big behinds."


"I don't want to disgrace myself in my short time here, but I am deeply confused. There is this girl who is quite young, and she is much younger than my fiance. I'll call her "Vicky" since I love that name. I have been shamelessly flirting with her, but I am in deep love with my fiance, but I can't forget Vicky, because she's so young and intimidating!"
"My fiance is a bright girl, and I can't get a better girl. My fiance is my night and my day but Vicky is in the way, I feel if my fiance discovers my online philanderings. What am I to do?
Not tell her and give up this cyberlove who probably doesn't love me back, or just continue until I get married?
Vicky is very bright at her age, and I wish that I were her age so I could meet her without getting in trouble with the law."
"I got new work as a car washer at some local place nearby. I showed my friend my webjournal and he said that I should write more about my sex life. If that excites the reader, than I guess I should but this weblog is also for me! The date was not as exciting as the first one. (First dates are the best!) We were more nervous than usual, but her shirt this time was a banana yellow. Very sexual as it had "Bebe" writen on it. She said it was an imitation shirt she got from a thrift shop, but the way she moved in it made it automatically Gucci or whatever expensive women's clothings. (I don't want to seem gay.) I went to bed with her though! She was mellow as her yellow. She was ten times more responsive than my ex-girlfriend as she let out screams like a banshee."

"I haven't been able to get back to this activity, writing online for a while as I was very busy dating. I don't have a date every night, but I wanted to wait a while until I formed a "close bond" with some gal. Well, I got one girl laid, but it didn't really mean anything. She was not that pretty, but she was very voluptious enough to sleep with. But she didn't seem to like it that much. It took me an hour to get an erection! She feigned understanding but was nonetheless patient with me. It's odd, but I don't remember her name. She called me a week later, saying that she skipped her period, but she didn't get pregnant. I must have forgotten my condom as it "just happened". "

"A distant friend of mine suggested I go out, to enjoy fresh air. What he really meant, of course, was to get over this petty romantic shambles. "Love is love, and fucking is fucking", he gruffly explained."

"I'm writing this in my lofty bedroom on Main Street. The wind is furious, and so are my thoughts.
I was googling for a wholesome forever, and this is the best site I could search for.
I just made love to my girlfriend last night for the first time in our relationship. And I felt guilty. Her soft skin responded nicely to my hard muscled body, but she left quickly when she heard her roomate approach the door. I threw on my khakis and muscle shirt and ran the hell out of her place. The reason we were making love? I had just proposed to her.
What an unmanly way for me to react!
She emailed me that she wanted to talk to me, but I said I was busy. When's the wedding date?!
We were nearly towards climax when her roomate came near the door, and she was murmuring my name softly under the rhythmic gusto we orchestrated together."


"And what hurtful things are happening to Muslims now? Other than, for instance, being prevented by the U.S. military from torturing and killing other Muslims in Iraq?"




While reading an article about homeless people, Cathy Seipp thought she would show what a "kind and caring" person she was by telling all of us about what she learned so far:

"So far I have learned...

1. Life on Skid Row is dangerous and miserable.

2. Most people there are drug addicts and/or mentally ill.

3. They have numerous physical ailments, and a hard time getting good health care.

4. Often they possess wheelchairs -- sometimes because they're handicapped, sometimes just for convenience.

5. Hard to know what to do about people who won't take their anti-psychotic meds, but will keep drinking and taking drugs.

Question: Was there anything in this series that readers did not already know?

Follow-up: How rude is it of me to ask the above question?"


With no regards or concern about publicly defaming a fellow classmate and calling them a Jew-Hater, Maia Lazar wrote the following online for all to see:

"Shiraz, the anti-Semitic Armenian was about to ask me another moronic question"

Cathy Seipp was an angry out-of-control-blogger.It should be clear to anyone reading the evidence so far that both Cathy Seipp & Maia Lazar had a mental illness. Although they proved to both be "sadists," a person who takes pleasure in inflicting pain on others, psychiatrists explain the common malady they shared--


The definition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder listed in the DSM4--Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders which is the diagnosis bible of psychiatry is as follows:

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by 5 (or more) of the following:

Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements

Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)

Requires excessive admiration

Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

Is interpersonally exploitive, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends

Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and need of others

Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her

Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

As quoted earlier, Cathy Seipp found great joy in upsetting people with things she wrote about them

Her daughter, Maia Lazar, followed the example set by her mother which can best be validated with quotes that the daughter placed online:

“My anger problem. It’s weird but I'm too angry to be coherent at times. I find myself seething with rage at various problems."
(Maia Lazar's Public Online Blog)

“I am very insensitive and have hurt countless peoples' feelings"
(Maia Lazar's Public Online Blog)



"Hmmm. I thought of putting:,, and, but decided that would be unladylike."

ANALYSIS: Apparently we are all supposed to find that funny. Well it's not. Anybody that would write something like this in public, knowing that their teenage daughter would see it, is an irresponsible, disgraceful human being.



A rational thinking person would ask, "How did she get away with doing all of this for so long?" Why didn't friends come to her and say, "We know that your daughter just exposed herself to a group of boys at summer school--maybe hanging around with a pornographer is not influencing her the right way." Why didn't friends say to her, "It probably isn't good when both you and your daughter are libeling, slandering and attacking the administrators and teachers at the schools your daughter attends." That would be normal.

However, when you surround yourself with friends who have even less integrity than yourself--they become your official APOLOGISTS and ENABLERS.

Cathy Seipp surrounded herself with the likes of Rob Long and Emmanuel Richard, two of her official APOLOGISTS and ENABLERS. Although both were aware of what the woman and her daughter were doing to dozens of innocent people, neither had the guts to tell her it was wrong.
As fellow right-winged wackos, they felt it was their responsibility to support all activities of Cathy Seipp. Rob Long and Emmanuel Richard's job was to make excuses for Cathy Seipp and defend whatever she was doing--no matter how decadent, perverted or immoral.

With friends like that who act like cartoonish clowns-- "That's Real Fine Cathy!" "It's Wonderful What You're Doing Cathy!" "Nobody Could Do That Better Than You Cathy!" with two full-time APOLOGISTS and ENABLERS, you can accomplish a great deal of wrong.




Cathy's Best Friends think that it's OK to libel, slander and defame anybody that dares to criticize Cathy Seipp's unethical blog attacks.

At least they sign their names. Cathy's other friends hide behind the anonymity of the Internet and post OBSCENE words and pictures about anybody that dares to criticize Cathy Seipp's unethical blog attacks.

Apparently, others don't like JACKIE DANICKI & NANCY ROMMELMANN. Dennis Peters, a political commentator appeared out of nowhere to present a fresh perspective on these people.
He had inside knowledge of what these two have done to many people over the years. It is suspected that Dennis Peters might even be part of their own social group. Here are his writings:

Nancy Rommelmann would make anyone barf.

Hey, peeps.
Sorry I haven't written in so long -- but sometimes a guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do...and that includes drinking cold ones and scarfing down hot dogs.
Unfortunately, though, I couldn't keep any of that down...not once I read ridiculous Nancy Rommelmann's latest blowhardy entry on "remembering Cathy Seipp."
It seems Rommelmann just can't let sleeping dead old people lie: she has to try to resurrect them with garbagy, bullcrap accolades that don't even describe the real person at hand.
Rommelmann's fantasy descriptions of the dead old Cathy Seipp she "knew" made me vomit up my Cheetos. I met dead old Cathy Seipp quite a few times ,and the deeply flawed, troubled chick, (a walking mental disorder if I ever saw one) was absolutely nothing like Romelmann's bizarre fiction of her.
If you can stand browsing through Rommelmann's bloated blog, you'll notice a disturbing pattern: she gloms on to people who are sick and/or dying, so she can trump up her imagined Florence Nightengale-like role in their lives.
Frankly, (and I do speak frankly) it's kinda creepy. Hey Rommelmann, hon -- is your life so empty and flat that you only get drama by attaching yourself to other weirdos' suffering?
Maybe you and your densely-meaty friend Danicki should get some therapy, because like I said --- you're kinda creepy...and all the way pathetic.
Yeah, dead old Cathy Seipp died a year ago, and it's fairly common knowledge that Rommelmann hastened her death by stuffing rancid cookies down her throat.
Gurgle. Ooh. Just thinking about N. Rommelmann's gassy nonsense has churned up my stomach again. I'm gonna blow big chunks of chewed-up hot dog, Cheetos, liquified beer foam and whatever else is in old Dennis' gut.
Splaaat! Man, it's all over the walls, drippin' down, but at least I feel better. Happy Easter.

The continued hamhockery of Hackie Damn-icky

Hey, peeps.

My psychiatrist friend Marilyn warns to leave this poor, troubled sociopath alone -- and as much as I pity the pathetic Hackie Damn-icky also known as "Jackie D.), her thunderous, beefy stomps through the Internet merit at least a few more observations.
Jackie D.'s posts and comments are always grating, but on certain websites that allow avatars, it's particularly odious to glimpse a cropped, visual cube of her widely meaty face plunked next to one of her sniveling, worshipful adulations.
Poor Jackie D. has no self-worth, so she fleshily bows and scrapes to the simps and hacks she deems more important than she (i.e., everyone in her sorry, caloric universe).
"Ooh, you're so beautiful," she gushes to a Plain Jane.
"So-and-so was so brilliant and wise," she oozes about a dolt.
Her fatuous (and I do mean fatuous) praise for the perceived "in" boys and girls is a thinly-stretched, fraying skin over her turbulent, inner rage and insanity.
Since she puts on a phony front for her so-called "friends," she explodes her authentic bile and venom at innocent strangers ("I felt as if she were a cat shitting in my yard, running away before she covered her crap,") writes one dumbfounded blogger from England, who lived to survive a crazy Jackie D. attack.
And, so, out of the kindness of my own Dennis Peters heart (and in the name of the infant, denim-swaddled Jesus Christ) I've compiled a list of New Year's resolutions for the aggressively stupid Jackie D., or Hackie Damn-icky, if you prefer:
1. Lose weight.
2. Get smarter.
3. Be less stupid.
4. Stop being such a phony, pathetic creep.
5. Look less cow-like.
6. Clean hooves before blindly and cluelessly stampeding through the internet.
7. Stop stalking and harassing people.
8. Try to rid self of frightening mental illness.
9. Become somewhat tolerable for 2008.
10. Generally just shut up.
Well, that's it for now. 'Tis the season, as they say -- and that's why I'm going to get me a seasoned hot dog at Pink's.
Jesus Christ was a carnivore...maybe he'll be there, too. Life is good.
Portland's biggest idiot
Hey, peeps.
That delusional dingbat from Portland, Nancy R., is at it again.
This spacey granola chick, whose ideas are about as half-baked as her rancid cookies, harasses poor Maia Lazar with nitwitted comments on the teenager's blog, "Sky Watching My World."
According to Nancy, my anonymous fan's archive of my work indicates a "deep, deep sickness."
Well, the last I heard, Nancy R. was in no condition to practice psychiatry, let alone get a license. Hell, she can't even hang on to her driver's license -- they took it away when the deranged narcissist thought that her car's "rear view mirror" existed solely for the purpose of her getting yet another view of her own skanky rear end.
On a more serious note, Nancy R. is not qualified to offer advice or counsel to anyone, especially today's youth: a very reliable source tells me that this crazy chick was high on cocaine when her own poor daughter was but a tot.
Let's hope she (he? Maybe this manic, ungainly chick is really a drag queen) gets help, but let's also keep her away from the young. She's bad news.
Anything Nancy R. says or writes is a sign of deep, deep stupidity.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------My interesting day.

Hey, peeps.

I just found out that someone decided to archive my writings in a website called ""
Hey, man -- I'm flattered, but I don't quite get why that's the name of the website. Wouldn't "" make more sense?
Whatever. As long as you get the Dennis word out there, I'm down with it! And, man, whoever you are, you are one smart dude ... not everyone knows I sometimes moonlight as an accountant in Afghanistan!
So, to my anonymous fan, thanks for the nod. Maybe we'll have a beer sometime...or a hot dog.
Yeah. Life is good.
Give it a rest, Hackie...
Hey, Peeps!

My man Luke Ford recently let us know that the deeply disturbed Jackie D. is at it again -- this time she's reminiscing about how she barged into dead old Cathy Seipp's house when dead old Cathy Seipp was still alive (but near death), and essentially hastened her death with "annoying and painful behavior."
On Jackie D.'s annoying and painful blog, she writes that "being annoying and painful" are two of her greatest fears, but I can assure this troubled chick that those fears are already stark realities, so why doesn't she waste her time worrying about something she hasn't achieved yet?
Many people think that dead old Cathy Seipp would still be alive if tiresome Jackie D. hadn't forced fed her, then hoovered up all the precious oxygen in the room with her vacuous, mind-rotting blather.
Come to think of it, since tedious Jackie D.'s "annoying and painful" declaration is pretty close to a murder confession, perhaps her biggest fear should be the cops!
Hmmm. Think I'll go eat a jelly doughnut. Yeah, that's it. Life is good.

Bradley "Jello" Fikes (some musings on)...
Hey, peeps.
I went to the Matt Welch book-signing on Saturday night (Welch is an all-around o.k guy,) but the thing that really struck me besides the fact that that Moxie chick chugs way too much beer and smokes too many cigarettes (it's no beauty treatment, to quote one of David Ehrenstein's favorite movies) -- is that Bradley J. Fikes is weird.
Hey, Bradley, man -- embrace your inner loneliness. It rattles around so loudly inside the empty chambers of your bones, that it provides a disturbing back-beat to whatever bad music is blaring over the sound system.
I read your (no offense, man) kind of pathetic blog a few weeks ago about how you burned up your car tire rubber on all sorts of freeways just to make sure a "meet-up" in Hof's Hut took place.
Bradley, man -- what is your creepy obsession with the Seipp family? Yeah, maybe that dead old Cathy Seipp once went to Hof's Hut with some relatives, but why does that mean you have to start stalking their suburb?
And, get with the program, man: Anne Coulter is anti-Semitic. Anyone who's ever turned on the Donnie Deutsch show (or who's heard about it) knows that.
Dead old Cathy Seipp was Jewish. Maybe, in her typically misguided way, she tried desperately to be the poor-man's Anne Coulter, but I’m pretty sure she would've dropped that charade had she lived to learn about this latest development.
If you want to be slavishly, geekily worshipful of drag-queen-like-desperate-for-negative-attention blonde women, I think you're going to have to choose when one turns out to be a Nazi and the other is Jewish.
And, hey, man: don't get me wrong about your loneliness -- I recognize it from my own arm-pit-stained days as an overweight security guard.
Man, you could smell the spores in my polyester zip-up as sharply as any gone-wrong cheese.
But, I think I've grown a little since then. I'm not saying I never get lonely anymore. Hey, it's still in my marrow -- so thickly sometimes, I could spread it on toast, but you know what soothed me and helped me get over my own unhealthy obsessions?
Love. Yeah, that's right. Love.

So, Bradley, man, maybe you'd spend a lot less hollow time on alienating freeways and a lot more time in caring, warm-blooded arms if you'd declare your love for David Ehrenstein (if you're gay) -- or your passion for Donna Barstow (if you're not.)
Maybe you swing both ways? That's cool.
Life is good. I'm gonna go eat some sweetened popcorn.

An interesting observation
Hey, peeps.
I just got back from a nose-chilling night at Pink's hot dogs, where I scarfed down three hot dogs and a chug of beer.
When I got home, I did a weird test: if you google the name "Jackie Danicki" with the words "sick soul" or "mentally ill," hundreds of items come up. THe strangest part of all is that those are her two most frequently used catch phrases.

Why, you ask? Well, as my shrink friend Marilyn tells me, it's called "projection" folks! That's the prism through which poor Jackie D. views herself and the world.
Let's hope this troubled girl gets some help.

I'm baaaack!
Hey, peeps. It's good to be back.

I was out of the country for a while on a science-fiction-writing assignment, and it gave me a new perspective on the world: mostly that I don't care at all about most of what I cared about just a few short months ago.
Life is funny that way
However, I did take a glance at Maia Lazar's blog "Sky Watching My World," and read how she's now being dissed by "99% of her mother's friends."
Frankly, (and I do speak frankly) good riddance, I say. From what I know about dead old Cathy Seipp, a lot of her friends were weird, self-centered, shallow and phony.
Some of them were nice, I'm sure -- that's true in any crowd.
But, the ones who brayed the loudest about how wonderful they were are the are the ones Miss Lazar should thank her lucky stars she's well rid of.
The commenters who insisted "Maia, it's o.k. that we don't see you anymore, as long as we think about you," made me laugh. I mean, come on, people, seriously.
What Miss Lazar is being exposed to here, at her tender age, is what's commonly known as "bull-sheeet."
Frankly, (and you know, I am frank), Miss Lazar is lucky this is happening to her. It doesn't seem terribly healthy for a teen girl to be swarming around with a bunch of middle-aged creeps, anyway.
If she were my daughter, I'd want her to forge her own life, her own identity. Start fresh -- meet some nice people your own age, girl.
God knows, I wouldn't want my little boy to waste his life shaping it around my 32-years-older drinking buddies. Just because I like them (most of the time), doesn't mean I think they're right for him.
Another worry: that disturbed, frightening Jackie D. weighed in with a comment. I hope, for Miss Lazar's sake, that that's all she'll do -- and doesn't start stalking the poor girl.
Jackie D. is one scary chick. If anyone knows members of the Seipp-Lazar family, they may want to warn them that Jackie D. is focusing on them again. Hopefully, she'll go away.
That's it for now. Gonna crack open a cold one. My throat is parched.
Life is good.


Sorry I haven't been around lately.
I was down at the Comic Con in San Diego. I have a science fiction idea I wanted to tout.
I met Nic Cage and his teenaged son. I have to say, his son sort of looks like a scary girl.
Now that I'm back, I glanced at a couple of buddies' blogs -- Luke Ford's and David N. Scott's.
David N. Scott includes me in his list of people who don't get why he's all worked up about a dead person he hardly knew. You're right, man -- I don't get it.
You say you feel "protective" of dead old Cathy Seipp, but...she's dead. What can you possibly protect her from? You can't hurt a dead person, or any dead thing for that matter. I guess that's where the term "flogging a dead horse" came from.
Once somebody or something's dead, it's pointless to defend them or get embroiled in the petty spats they created while alive.
You apologized to that teacher guy, and that shows class. It puts you legions above all those bizarre people who've made one of dead old Cathy Seipp's childish tantrums into their personal vendetta, too.
Something's wrong with those people. Seriously.
Luke Ford wrote that he was upset at how he came across in his profile in "The Jewish Journal," so I scored a copy when I went out to get my nightly frozen burrito with barbeque sauce.
Luke, man, you should be upset. Forget about the article -- I'm talking about those photos of you. You're a handsome dude, but the cover photo made you look as if you have breasts, and the inside shot somehow made your head look as if it were an enormous, swollen pumpkin.
I couldn't tell if the photograher chick just stank, or "the Jewish Journal" really was out to get you. Maybe it was both.
O.k. That's it. Life is good.
Going to mop up the rest of that barbeque sauce with an old hot dog bun.

Hey, peeps.
The strangest thing happened.
As I mentioned before, my ex-girlfriend Tammy's been trying to get back into my life.
But, the thing is, as much as I'm tempted to go back to my fat, old ways, Tammy's a Methodist and I'm a Lutheran. How in the world would that ever work?
Besides, I'm a father now. I can't stay up all night watching t.v. wrestling matches, which is what Tammy would enable me towards.
Oh, sweet ass of Jesus. Now, Roxanne's bugging me, too. She says she wants to get married. Thinks it would be better for our little boy.
I'm not using to having this much attention from women. I think this blog started it all. Ever since I wrote about my stint at the LA Press Club awards, people have wanted a piece of me.
It's too much, man. All I want to do right now is sink my teeth into a juicy double cheeseburger, skinny fries on the side. I want to lose myself in a numbing cloud of greasy fat.
Is that too much to ask?

Smackdown on tiresome people
I've been reading some blogs by some very tiresome people.
First, there's some Oregon chick, I think her name is Nancy Rommelmann, who likes to blather on about her breasts and her body and her baking (very alliterative), but the cumilative effect, after reading her blowsy work, is that she must have very dirty toe-nails.
I don't know why. That's just the image I get.
Then there are some comments by some pests, but the thing is -- it seems as if anyone has a criticism about anyone's blog, some tedious defender writes a bloated comment that makes my eyes glaze over.
I mean, I've long ago accepted that most people aren't very attractive, but the fact that they're also exceedling dull (and think they're sparkling), is what's rankling me of late.

I met that dead Cathy Seipp person several times, and she was a real witch.
And, yet I keep reading posts (Luke Ford had one, as I recall), about a bunch of hacks paying her a tribute on some filthy carpet, everyone getting up to mumble a few inane or self-serving words, and then sitting back down in some dog hair and lint.
I wish these peeps would just get on with their hideous lives. Because the thing is, see, when a mean hack dies you're supposed to be glad. That' what death is all about: it kills you. Get it, people?
Don't go on about what you did for her or what she said to you.....nobody cares.
Find some other middle-aged, "mean mommy" figure if you have to work out some obsession issues.
O.k., that's it for now. Going to drink some lemonade, make a phone call or two. Yeah. Life is good.
Witches swarm on Nancy Rommelmann's blog!
Wow! The witches are brooming in in swarms at Nancy Rommelmann's fatuous blog.
Some perfectly-cool seeming dude name "Lawrence" confronts Rommelmann about her bloated, self-aggrandizing post on "Failure."
Well, before you can say "boil, boil, bubble and toil," Amy Alkon and that chubby, little food witch, Jackie, invoke the name of their dead queen witch, Cathy Seipp.
Amy's comment is some blather about how nobody should ever denigrate the Rommelmann witch, because subwitch (not to be confused with sandwich) Rommelmann once swept in on her broom to feed head witch Cathy Seipp some gruel.
Apparently, this kind of witchy co-dependence earns them all saintly "broomie" points.
Then, the fat, little food witch, Jackie, chimes in that Lawrence is that dead witch Cathy Seipp's brother.
Is he? Does that mean he's a warlock?
Food witch attempts to decimate Lawrence with the schoolyard nyah-nyah: "You have a sick mind. I hope you get help."
Well, from what I've heard, Cathy Seipp really needed help when Jackie-the-fat-little-food-witch aero planed in on her own floor-sweep vehicle.
The chubby-subby cooked up mountains of food, wrote tedious blogs about it -- then gorged on it by herself, while the Cathy Seipp witch slowly starved.
These witches are messed up! Maybe some houses will fall on them soon ... what's the price of real estate these days?

The witch swarm gets deleted on Rommelmann's blog!

Hey, peeps. Unfortunately, that subwitch Nancy Rommelmann deleted the entertaining witch swarm of comments from the crappy post I mentioned, so now her blog has gone back to being its usual boring self: gaseous bleats about her puerile Portland adventures.
We get to read about how she shoves her rancid cookies down people's throats, and about how she and members of her witch coven pluck at their own follicles as if they were parakeets kept in captivity.
That chubby-little-food-witch, Jackie Danicki, gets her face up out of a cake long enough to add her own inane comments about follicle-plucking and pore-examining.
Apparantly, subwitch Nancy Rommelmann also works in her husband's restaurant, some sort of greasy spoon where Portland's aging hippies gather, fester, and shed their grey-flecked hair into Nancy's putrid cookie dough.
You might want to lift your grimy, Birkenstocked feet off the floor, folks -- that fluttery vibration you feel on your tootsies isn't a 1970s-styled massage...its the restaurant's thick population of well-fed roaches, out for their morning run.
Meanwhile, over on Luke Ford's blog, a humid wind blows.
It's the draft that erupts when David N. Scott wags a pasty, pudgy finger at me, scolding me for castigating his dead witch queen, Cathy Seipp.
The sad thing about that is, I once overheard that dead old witch Cathy Seipp refer to David N. Scott and his wife as "that boring couple."
Knowing this, you'd think David N. Scott and his wife would get their clammy fingers away from their filthy keyboards, and put them to better use: signing up for a "Improve your Pathetic Little Lives" seminar.
That's it for now, peeps. I'm gonna go out for a cold one and a hot dog.
Yeah, like I always say: life is good.

Self-congratulations at the L.A. Press Awards yawn-fest.

Hey, peeps.
I was up for an award at last night's Los Angeles Press Club event, so I went -- but it was such a yawn-fest, next time they invite me, I'll tell them I'd rather bite a sidewalk.
There were so many brooms parked outside, it looked like a janitors' convention -- but, no...those were just the rides for all the witches and warlocks who swarmed inside.
People had red welts the size of handprints on their shoulder-blades, from all the self-congratulatory back-slapping that went on.
That Empress of arch schtick, Sandra Tsing Loh, looking mannish, got up to present a low-tech slide tribute to dead queen witch, Cathy Seipp.
Between sips of my Budweiser, I saw slides of dead witch Cathy Seipp posing in front of her favorite broom, slopping on some gruel, and modeling 1995's version of fashionable witch caps and capes.
Amy Alkon won two "broomie" awards: one for sanctimoniously pointing out in person how much she and other coven members did for their dead witch queen Cathy Seipp, and, two, for sanctimoniously pointing out in print the same tedium.
A Russian person blathered on about how important it is to be Russian, and a dead person won an award for being dead.
I thought I heard Moxie ("Obnoxiousy") braying about something, her metallic, blonde hair hanging stiffly around her shoulders.
Emmanuelle Richard said: "Zut Alors! I'm French!"
Subwitch Nancy Rommelmann really wanted to attend, but she threw out her aging back when she slipped on her most recent batch of roach-infested cookie dough. As far as I know, she's still lying on the floor of her husband's restaurant, surrounded by cloudy cutlery and crust-laden dishes.
That fat-little-food-witch, Jackie Danicki, also really wanted to go, but her last broom cracked under the groan of her weight.
Until UPS delivers a thicker, sturdier broom, Jackie's homebound -- consoling herself the way she knows best: with food.
The last I heard, she's still vigorously working her jaws around a gigantic hamburger the size of three dead cows. You go, girl.
Word up to my homies at "Festeringswamp." I know you wish you all could've hurled yourself inside the coffin when dead Cathy Seipp witch's cadaver finally got shoved in the ground.
But your "memorial blog tribute" to her is about as interesting as the last time I scratched my left arm pit.
Don't bother wagging your fleshy, little digits at me. I don't care. Make your blog more readable, or eat the sweet ass of Jesus.
O.k. That's it for now. Guess I'll tear open a bag of Cheetos.
Life is good.
Big props to my man Luke Ford!
Hey, peeps. I want to give a big shout-out to Luke Ford for linking me on his blog. Thanks, man!
Yes, I do "speak frankly," and for some of you, that's a little too harsh. For others, though, my frank speaking is just the frankfurter they've been looking for.
I'd like to clarify a few things comments here and on other blogs have mentioned.
First, some of you were upset that I called Sandra Tsing Loh "mannish."
What you don't get, is that "mannish" is a hot.
I'm currently banging a tall, angular chick who has linebacker shoulders, and she's hot.
She's hotter than a globally-warmed Los Angeles summer, that's how hot she is. "Mannish" is a compliment, so get off my back about that one.
I was misunderstood.
LYT of "Lyt Rules" (and, if you haven't read his blog, he really does rule. This guy has talent) points out that Moxie wasn't even at the L.A. Press Awards, so how can I comment on her?
Excellent catch, man. Like I said, the person-in-question was across the room, and I was drunk, but the bigger point is -- I've banged so many blonde chicks, they all look alike to me.
Like Mr. Ben Franklin once said: "all blonde chicks look alike in the dark.
When he wasn't out flying kites and sporting a pre-Lennon look, Mr. Franklin was quite the prolific banger, so I think he knew what he was talking about.
A lot of you were upset that I dissed Amy Alkon.
Look, Amy Alkon is hot.
Yeah, she won a couple of "broomies" for sanctimoniously prattling on about the virtuousness of dead old Cathy Seipp's coven, but that redhead is hot.
When she tries to aurally suffocate you with sanctifying clap-trap about dead old Cathy Seipp and her minions, just plug your ears. And imagine her naked.
David N. Scott takes me to task for over-using the joke of "wagging fingers."
That's a good point, but when I wrote "don't wag your fleshy digits at me," I wasn't imagining your fingers just then.
I was visualizing your big toe.
I'd like to explain what I meant about "festering swamp."
Sure, most of the time that "memorial blog" is about as interesting as a set of chapped lips, but sometimes it's o.k.
Its one chick writer, Mary something, is really good -- but she doesn't post that often.
I liked the post by the guy (Mike? Brad?) who's so boring, he can't get laid. Been there. I used to be boring.
That baby possum stuff is great. Those pictures are so cute, I even downloaded them onto my cell phone. Yeah, old Dennis has a soft spot for the little critters.
David N. Scott, I think you're taking what I write too personally. My blog is like verbal mud-wrestling...we all get a little dirty, but it's a great workout.
Besides, dead old Cathy Seipp may have referred to you as "boring," but I think you and "Patterico" rock.
I just don't get why you waste your time memorializing a dead old chick, when you have a beautiful, live one in your bed every night.
Where are your priorities, man?
Let's have a beer sometime. We'll talk about it.
For those good Christians who were offended by my "sweet ass of Jesus" line, what's the big deal? I said his ass is "sweet," not "sour." It's a compliment.
I was misunderstood.
Well, that's it for now. Think I'll smash my bicuspids into some good, salty pretzels, then wash it all down with a cold one.
Life is good.

Who is Dennis Peters?

Hey, peeps.
A lot of you have been asking who I am. Well, it's not that complicated: I'm a bi-racial, 36-year-old man who's the proud father of an out-of-wedlock, two-year-old boy.
My girlfriend "Roxeanne" and I decided not to get married when we realized that we ultimately weren't that compatible. (I drink beer, she doesn't. I eat Cheetos, she doesn't).
I served in the military when I was younger, and now patch together a decent living as a freelance journalist and radio commentator. I also do carpentry on the side.
I love my nine-month-old St. Bernard, "Winston", and my 1994, blue Toyota pickup.(No name given....yet. Suggestions?)
As I wrote before to David N. Scott, a lot of what I write is verbal mudwrestling, and shouldn't be taken that personally -- but I received a private message from "Marilyn" who's asked me to lay off someone:
"Dear Dennis:
Please lay off Jackie Danicki. She's a deeply troubled young woman who suffers from food and other substance abuse issues. She forms attachments with abusive parent figures to recreate traumas from her past. She needs help, and is hopefully getting it. In the meantime, please be kind to her."
You know what, Marilyn? I respect that. (Maybe "Marilyn" is her shrink?)
Before I had a thing for mannish chicks, I was really crazy about fat chicks. Calling each other "fat" (yeah, I used to be, too. Guilty), was how we flirted with each other, but this Jackie obviously can't take it -- so I'm going to lay off.
My sister "Beth" works as a pediatric nurse in Houston. She knows what happens when abused, troubled children grow into damaged adults, such as poor Jackie.
On Beth's recommendation, I'd like to suggest a book for Jackie: "No Place to Hide (facing shame so we can find self-respect)" by Michael P. Nichols, Phd.
Beth and I really think it'll help Jackie work through some of her issues. A lot of people who struggle with weight, also struggle with deep, unconscious shame.
I apologize for going too far, and big props to "Marilyn" for pointing this out to me.
Jackie, if it'll make you feel any better, I used to be a 305 lb. security guard manning the ground floor of a depressing apartment building in Hollywood.

I still keep my old zip-up uniform in my closet. It's huge. I like to look at it now and then, breathing in the fetid smell of old, desperate perspiration, just to remind myself of how far I've come.
Man, those armpits are still dark and stained from the time I yelled "stop!" when decrepit Mr. Wilkinson tried to run out the smeared, glass front doors without paying his rent.
I didn't like yelling "stop." Mr. Wilkinson had a club foot and a wrinkly neck and was pretty damn pathetic, but I had to do it -- it was my job. Life is like that, Jackie.
That's it for now. I'm gonna crack open a cold one (a "lite" cold one....don't wanna fit back into that security guard uniform).
Life is good.

I was phat

Hey, peeps.
Since I last posted, confessing about my own fat past, many of you messaged me asking for more details.
"Your dark, armpit-stained days as an oveweight security guard sound particularly miserable," writes Raymond. "Do elaborate."
"I'm glad you can finally see that your 'fat little food witch" jokes about Jackie Danickie were inspired by your own inner fat person's self-loathing," writes "Anonymous" from the New Brunswick Obesity Clinic. "The next time I pat the benign tumor on my thigh, I'll think of you."
I couldn't tell if "Anonymous'" comment was meant to be stinging or loving, so I numbed my confusion by downing a couple of cold ones.
As you might have figured out by now, beer is almost as much of a problem for me as food once was. I refuse to go back to AA, though: the coffee's terrible and the people talk about themselves too much.
I much prefer AAA. The discounts are better.
But, I digress.
Yes, I'm now at my fighting weight of 178 lbs., but as "Anonymous" astutely hinted, there will always be a 305 lb. man inside of me, gnawing ferociously at my entrails.
Sure, I was a chubby who found love with other chubbies. I'll never forget the tiny single apartment I shared with"Tammy," a 258 lb. school teacher.
The front of our stove was congealed with a thick tongue of grease from all the rich, fatty meals we cooked together. In the morning, wearing just our underwear, we chased each other around our yellow, formica breakfast table, trying to slap each other with slabs of raw bacon.
It must have been quite a sight, seeing us thunder around, our lardy flesh jiggling.
In a weird way, though, it was quite a turn-on. You know what I mean, man.
Well, it's hotter in here than an armpit spore. Time to crack open a cold one.
Life is good.

How do I even know anybody?

Hey, peeps.
Many of you have messaged me asking how I even know some of the people I've written about. In a way, it's a strange question, because how does anybody know anybody?
Still, I'll scrape together whatever memories I can for the sake of entertainment and edification.
I first met that flaming redhead, Amy Alkon, about seven years ago at the Rose Cafe in Venice. She seemed fun, we chatted it up, and before I knew it, she had invited me to an LA Press Club party at some art gallery in Santa Monica.
That's where I first met dead old Cathy Seipp.
After a few more of these parties (various locations) I asked dead old Cathy Seipp if she and Amy would consider throwing a party for my upcoming, self-published book: Life in the Military: longing, loathing and getting laid.
She didn't really respond, but a few days later, she sent me this scathing e-mail: "You are a horrible masher. Stop trying to hit on Amy and me. You don't ask us to throw a party for you, we suggest it to you, if we're interested. "
I decided then that I would continue to go to the LA Press Club parties, not because I liked anybody there, but because I like to drink in crowds.
That's it for now. My dog is licking the mud off his toenails.
Life is good.

More on me and myself

Hey, peeps.
When I last checked in here, I reminisced about how I first met Amy Alkon and how dead old Cathy Seipp sent me a scathing e-mail, accusing me of trying to hit on her and Amy and of being a "masher."
The first time I read that, I thought of mashed potatoes, because that's one of my favorite foods. I used to spend some serious hours face down in it, when I was a hardcore fat person, bent on some kind of blubbery self-destruction.
But, no. She meant I was some sort of creep, some sort of lothario-type, leering and God-knows-what.
Did I try to hit on her? That's doubtful, since I never found her attractive, but I was so drunk at most of those L.A. Press Club Parties, anything's possible.
I remember waking up once on the floor of the W Hotel, lying in a pool of my own alcohol-stenched vomit, people's indifferent shoes scuffling by.
Tammy had to pick me up 1:00 a.m. I fell asleep in the folds of her large, fetid flesh -- old bacteria and potato chip crumbs getting caught in my nostrils.
Sometimes I wonder why I even got into journalism, man. Certainly, carpentry's ultimately more satisfying. There's nothing like smashing a hammer into a 14-inch nail, or watching two pieces of wood turn into something.
Man, I don't know. Maybe it has something to do with being and nothingness. Or maybe that's some other dude's philosophy.
That's it for now. Gonna watch Chevy Chase in "Fletch." He totally rocks.
Life is good.

My absence explained

Hey, peeps.
Sorry I haven't written in here in a while.
One of my ex-girlfriends, Tammy, read what I wrote about her and got really angry. She said it was "unflattering."
I tried to explain that I, in my grand, egalitarian way, am generally unflattering to everybody. Then, in a weird twist, she wanted to get back together.
I thought about it, but I've got way too much on my plate right now, including a couple of hot dogs, if you know what I mean.
Speaking of hot dogs, my Fourth of July was no picnic, either.
I joined a "stuff your face" contest in Griffith Park, downed 14 hot dogs and two hamburgers and felt sick. It was just like the bad, old days when I was a morbidly obese security guard, as some of you may have read.
To make matters worse, a thick necked bruiser accused me of hitting on his girlfriend. I'm no wuss, but that guy was scary. His beer breath was nastier than mine.
I passed out on the arrid lawn, ants crawling over my fingernails.
Despite all that, it's good to be back.
Life is good.

Other People's Blogs

Hey, peeps.
I was getting a little bored with the mayor's having an affair info over on Luke Ford's blog, so I dug around in his archives to see if there was any past interesting stuff I might have missed.
In the dead old Cathy Seipp catacombs, I came across some sort of weird tribute that one of her chick friends wrote when dead old Cathy Seipp was still alive, but was on her deathbed and on her way out.
I can't remember the chick writer's name, so if the following sounds familiar to anyone, please let me know.
I think it's pretty weird, is all I can say. And with friends like this, that dead old Cathy Seipp sure didn't need any anemones:
"Now that a core of us have stupidly (I rate us all an F+) completed the Valley of Death phase, the stroking of the egos, the horrible memories emotionally recited, the sudden anguished stabbing declarations of 'I hate you, Cathy,' the insane Terms of Endearment-like running around the hallway ('She's a pain, dammit, a pain! WILL ANYONE IN THIS CRAZY WORLD LISTEN?'), anyway, can any of you help with the part where we mention that Cathy was awful and ugly, how she was obnoxious as hell, she was stupid, she drove us crazy, etc?
Even in the ICU, Cathy has been a real idiot. (So much so that, even after giving her up for dead, they actually THREW THEIR HANDS AROUND HER NECK and tried to kill her again!")
I guess the chick, whoever she is, occasionally writes in all-caps for dramatic effect. Can't really say, man.
Over on my buddy David N. Scott's righteous blog, his smokin' hot wife likes that I called her beautiful, but protests that I'm juvenile.
Guilty as charged! It's immaturity that keeps me young, lady!
Rock on. Life is good.


Hey, peeps.
The strangest thing happened.
As I mentioned before, my ex-girlfriend Tammy's been trying to get back into my life.
But, the thing is, as much as I'm tempted to go back to my fat, old ways, Tammy's a Methodist and I'm a Lutheran. How in the world would that ever work?
Besides, I'm a father now. I can't stay up all night watching t.v. wrestling matches, which is what Tammy would enable me towards.
Oh, sweet ass of Jesus. Now, Roxanne's bugging me, too. She says she wants to get married. Thinks it would be better for our little boy.
I'm not using to having this much attention from women. I think this blog started it all. Ever since I wrote about my stint at the LA Press Club awards, people have wanted a piece of me.
It's too much, man. All I want to do right now is sink my teeth into a juicy double cheeseburger, skinny fries on the side. I want to lose myself in a numbing cloud of greasy fat.
Is that too much to ask?